Below is my cover letter for applying to be in a relationship with a nice young lady. If you are interested please e-mail me or contact me via LinkedIn (the superior dating website).
References available upon request.
To Whom It May Concern,
My name is James Calvet and I am applying to be in a romantic relationship with you. Below are a list of my best qualities that would make me the perfect fit for this position. Also below is a head shot to know what you're getting into. I am available for both a full-time or part-time position. Thank you.
List of reasons why you should date me:
- I have a beard
- I am good at cooking
- · I play guitar and drums and banjo and mandolin and piano
- · I can write you a song if you ask nicely
- · I have a car
- · I shower every day
- · I tell "dad jokes" all the time
- · I can take you to concerts for free
- · I've never been arrested
- · I actually clean my living space
- · Your parents will love me
- · I am spontaneous
- · I have an impressive vinyl record collection
- · I have an impressive cassette collection
- · I have many leather bound books
- · And my apartment smells of rich mahogany
- · I open doors for women
- · I give pretty good hugs
- · I don't have an STD
- · I have 2 jobs that are really cool
- · Don't want to go out this weekend? Cool! I have some VHS tapes we can watch
- · I'm not an alcoholic
- · I'm not addicted to drugs
- · I have a good relationship with my parents
- · I get good grades
- · I love animals
- · I make good lists
james.calvet@colorado.edu

Okay you shifty sonofabitch. In your bio you say you hate lists, but you make good lists?! WHO ARE YOU PRETENDING TO BE?!
ReplyDeleteI yam what I yam <3
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